UNDERSCORE

I have hinted before (and very broad hints they were) that I have a friends with benefits. A friend with benefits who makes me question myself, what I’m doing, where I’m going. Well, that’s all changed. We’re not seeing each other anymore. I’m moving on, and so is he…. or so I thought.

An identity crisis made me think that we weren’t seeing each other anymore. Unfortunately, that is all I can say about that. But, believe me, it was a big issue and I got pretty angry about how I had been treated. I’m not sure if I have the right to be so angry and hurt, but I am. It has led to some very tumultuous months for me, and, I guess, for him.

For starters, we both left Australia to go to different continents.

Then, I’ve been on a few dates.

Lastly, I had a brief interlude of FWB again with someone I never thought I would do it with once, let alone going back for more.

Bottom line is: with the crazy emotions, the lack of contact, the moving on (honestly, my last two posts have been about getting my hair cut because I need change in my life and not to be looked over or forgotten. Talk about crisis), I thought we were done.

Imagine my surprise, if you will, when I received a message from him the other day, casually asking if I want to catch up because he is back and ran out of money lol.

So casual, so cavalier. I didn’t reply because I am overseas still, and that costs money that I don’t want to spend. But I wanted to reply in some way, to show no hard feelings. (Because suuuuuure there haven’t been any) So, I used the trick up my sleeve and added him on facebook and sent a message through messenger…. but he has not replied yet.

While I’m waiting on him (he doesn’t use facebook much as far as I know), I just have to think: what did he mean by ‘let’s catch up!’ That was what we always used to say, and he’s gone right back to it. Hopefully it is nothing less than a catch up, and we can finally talk face-to-face. Anyone out there with anything slightly similar? I am still feeling so confused, I just hope it can be amicably resolved.

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Halcyon

The other day somebody asked what my favourite word is. I answered in slight surprise, “Halcyon”. I didn’t know tat that was my favourite word, out of myriad words in the English language (my goodness, I love the English language). The person I was talking to was more surprised – they didn’t know what the word meant, so I explained that it kind of had to do with golden days, hay days, that summery feeling.

In short, it was a very hazy explanation and it didn’t help much. So now I go to a few different sites to get a better definition.

Okay, urban dictionary isn’t so useful: “sleep pill, makes u pass out in about 30 seconds”. Let’s try something more academic.

The English Oxford Dictionary says that halcyon refers to

“Calm, quiet, peaceful, undisturbed” days

To me, though, it still has connotations of golden days – those days of summer. Picnics make a brief appearance in there somewhere, which means family and friends. It might not be a day that you particularly remember, but it is a definite concept that makes me smile.

Can I ask anyone who happens to ready this to give me an opinion, or a story? What is your favourite word? Does it conjure up strong images, or a smell, or a taste in your mouth that differs from the plain denotation of the word as per the dictionary? Does it possess a certain magic for you?