I have hinted before (and very broad hints they were) that I have a friends with benefits. A friend with benefits who makes me question myself, what I’m doing, where I’m going. Well, that’s all changed. We’re not seeing each other anymore. I’m moving on, and so is he…. or so I thought.

An identity crisis made me think that we weren’t seeing each other anymore. Unfortunately, that is all I can say about that. But, believe me, it was a big issue and I got pretty angry about how I had been treated. I’m not sure if I have the right to be so angry and hurt, but I am. It has led to some very tumultuous months for me, and, I guess, for him.

For starters, we both left Australia to go to different continents.

Then, I’ve been on a few dates.

Lastly, I had a brief interlude of FWB again with someone I never thought I would do it with once, let alone going back for more.

Bottom line is: with the crazy emotions, the lack of contact, the moving on (honestly, my last two posts have been about getting my hair cut because I need change in my life and not to be looked over or forgotten. Talk about crisis), I thought we were done.

Imagine my surprise, if you will, when I received a message from him the other day, casually asking if I want to catch up because he is back and ran out of money lol.

So casual, so cavalier. I didn’t reply because I am overseas still, and that costs money that I don’t want to spend. But I wanted to reply in some way, to show no hard feelings. (Because suuuuuure there haven’t been any) So, I used the trick up my sleeve and added him on facebook and sent a message through messenger…. but he has not replied yet.

While I’m waiting on him (he doesn’t use facebook much as far as I know), I just have to think: what did he mean by ‘let’s catch up!’ That was what we always used to say, and he’s gone right back to it. Hopefully it is nothing less than a catch up, and we can finally talk face-to-face. Anyone out there with anything slightly similar? I am still feeling so confused, I just hope it can be amicably resolved.


Expiration Dates

This blog post features How I Met Your Mother and Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. 

What do these old TV shows have to do with expiration dates and this weird, sporadic blogger? You may ask.

It’s a good question, believe me, but I (will hopefully) manage to tie up the strings into a nice little embroidered description of my life right now, and some of the thinking in it.

So, no.1: HIMYM.

Ted and Robin, in their tumultuous relationship, have to admit to each other that they, sadly, have an expiration date. They’ve had fun, it’s been a good time, but they see themselves going places that are geographically and maritally different.

The Front Porch Test is a great example of what I do. In HIMYM the characters like to envisage them all, and Ted’s prospective life partner, on the front porch of their future house in the golden years, and to imagine just how that lucky number 1 fits in to the scenario.


I do something similar: I have a… a friend… and I like to see if he fits in with my family, imagining him meeting them for the first time. He doesn’t fit.

He doesn’t even fit in with me – except in the purely physical sense.

We have an expiration date.

Now, for No.2: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Okay, I don’t have much on this one, except for the fact that the show’s outdated. Fashion, while spectacular, is over; he comebacks are not even relevant; the effects aren’t so effective anymore.


Not abusing the show, I love it. Excited to see what happens next in the love triangle. But someone in that neat geometric shape has an expiration date. Someone has to pull the plug and walk out of that casualty ward with a sorry glance and many fond memories, but also with firmness of character and boldness.



This is not the recount of a dream I had one night, but the revelation of a dream I have had many times, during the day.

I dream that one day my… friend… will ask me on a date. He needs a date for some unknown reason, and he needs her to dress formally. I am the one he needs.

I dress well, and could knock him down with a feather as a result. I already know what dress I would wear: my black one, with a zip down the front, a full skit to the knees, and tailored to perfection so that it shows off my waist and invents a bust.

We have a wonderful evening, in this dream of mine. An evening of flirting, to make it look real in front of other guests of this mysterious host; excellent food, of course; and a… happy ending.

I want any readers of this to understand that I don’t want any romantic proposition from this friend. I want a romantic evening, that’s all.

I guess that I also want to be needed,instead of cast into shadows. I thought that I was ready to give him up, but now I know that what I need is to change our relationship.

For a start, in this dream of mine, the flirting leads, somehow or other, to serious communication. That is what I need. I want him to need me; and I need communication and romance… just a bit.