Reinvent. Really.

The location for today’s procrastination location: WordPress.

I’m not even sure if that made sense but, hey, I like the rhyme. And, even though I am procrastinating, I feel as though this is important.

The other day I was feeling a bit bored and a bit stuck in my normal routine, lacking interest – this led me to looking up how to reinvent myself.

I guess that the almighty Google knows I’m a girl and my interest in make-up and that sort of thing, but I was still a bit irritated to find that the fruits of this search weren’t very nutritious: it was basically junk food. Artificial, dangerous, useless.

It was all about changing my looks: how to reshape my eyebrows, why I should change my lipstick and even my eye colour! As a fan of make-up and of fixing my hair up in braids and buns, I think that appearance is important. For one thing, it’s just fun to play with.

But, on the other hand, it is just fun. It should not be how I reinvent myself. Beauty is only skin deep, and changing my look on the outside won’t do all that much on the inside.

To give a few of the articles I read credit, they did comment that looking good gives confidence. I kind of agree with that – looking good makes it easier to walk into a room. Ask anyone who has the bridge of their nose filled, or their eyelids lifted. Looks give you power.

Simultaneously, my interest in healthy and environmentally-friendly eating has been growing. A friend gave me a SCOBY – the key ingredient of kombucha – and lent me a book by Sarah Wilson in which a recipe is written. It’s so interesting, and I love reading about how she has incorporated this type of food prep into her life, and how it has changed her life. It’s quite holistic – a word and notion I love.

So, that’s what i’m starting to do. For me, food is a very non-artificial part of life. The way I eat shows my heritage, people that I meet. I make pasta because I love sharing it with family. I took over the vegetable garden at home because I can give vegetables and herbs to friends and family. Heck, I grow sunflowers to help the bees. (Guys, really, plant flowers for bees)

So this is what I was hunting for without knowing. Ideas that Sarah Wilson expresses so clearly were some simmering, unclear concepts that had been floating around my mind for years. She illuminated them.

So please, to anyone out there wanting to reinvent themselves – go beyond looks. Go for something that means something big to you. Do it for the real you.


Why no stickers?

“You look really nice! I love your costume!” I said, already climbing up the stairs.

So, it wasn’t the most sincere compliment, but I did mean it to be nice. She looked good, ready to party, ready for a good night. I can’t say I looked good – I dressed for the theme of Mardi Gras with a lot of glitter, feathers, and all-round fabulousness. It’s nice to heat the:
“You too!” As I continue the climb.

Buuuuu, not so nice.

“How nice, the returned compliment” I growl to myself. (Honestly, it was a growl – low, yet intense and a tad aggressive.

“Ha, and she calls me a bitch” I hear, a few seconds later.

Woah. Woah woah woah woah woah. Woah! WOAH!

I have never called her… that word.

Sure, I don’t like her but 1) I don’ say that word – except in quotation – see above.

2) I don’t talk about people I don’t like with people who know that person. How does she know I don’t like her?

3) I do not think she is a b***h. Yeah, I don’t like her but I have never known her well enough to call her one of those.

SO – I now feel justified in sayingneh should not say that I say she’s a b***h. Oy.

Buut – an here’s the killer – she could very well be justified in saying I’m the bitch.

You know when you learn a word and you hear t everywhere? Apparently when doing hallucinogens you see weird things (that are not the result of those hallucinogens) everywhere. I figure it’s like that. I think she thinks I’m mean – so I think t of myself.

I have approximately six weeks to fix that, before I move out. And my goodness, am I glad to be moving out.

Dear you and me

This is a letter to yourself – and to anyone else who might benefit.

I think that you need to hear this. You also need to write it, because you know it’s true, and, right now, I don’t know anyone else I can trust to tell me this.

You need to get hobbies! You can’t sit in your room, night after night, watching TV shows on your laptop and getting annoyed at the poor quality wifi. You need to get out there, even though it’s hard. Even though you feel awkward and shy. Even if you feel nervous or, worse, that nothing-ish feeling.

Remember how things can be good. But don’t dwell on the past and ask yourself why it isn’t like that still. Ask yourself how you can improve on what you have now. Tell yourself you can get a hobby – if you schedule something  and commit to it, you go to it. If you go out, you have something to talk about with the people around you. It’ll all help and you’ll be happier. Be happier.

A lot of love, from me

Expiration Dates

This blog post features How I Met Your Mother and Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. 

What do these old TV shows have to do with expiration dates and this weird, sporadic blogger? You may ask.

It’s a good question, believe me, but I (will hopefully) manage to tie up the strings into a nice little embroidered description of my life right now, and some of the thinking in it.

So, no.1: HIMYM.

Ted and Robin, in their tumultuous relationship, have to admit to each other that they, sadly, have an expiration date. They’ve had fun, it’s been a good time, but they see themselves going places that are geographically and maritally different.

The Front Porch Test is a great example of what I do. In HIMYM the characters like to envisage them all, and Ted’s prospective life partner, on the front porch of their future house in the golden years, and to imagine just how that lucky number 1 fits in to the scenario.


I do something similar: I have a… a friend… and I like to see if he fits in with my family, imagining him meeting them for the first time. He doesn’t fit.

He doesn’t even fit in with me – except in the purely physical sense.

We have an expiration date.

Now, for No.2: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

Okay, I don’t have much on this one, except for the fact that the show’s outdated. Fashion, while spectacular, is over; he comebacks are not even relevant; the effects aren’t so effective anymore.


Not abusing the show, I love it. Excited to see what happens next in the love triangle. But someone in that neat geometric shape has an expiration date. Someone has to pull the plug and walk out of that casualty ward with a sorry glance and many fond memories, but also with firmness of character and boldness.



I am probably the exact same as everyone else – especially at this time of year.

You see, I work at Kmart. Luckily (for you), that’s not why we’re all alike. On New Year’s Day, 2017, I saw more people than usual buying work out clothes. Good on ’em. Keep it up. Good job, Bob.

At the start of the year we all get those urges to do, to experience, to be better, to be healthier, to incorporate mindfulness. I will leave the subject of mindfulness to another post, though. On that subject, I have so. Much. Advice. (In a non-aggressive way)

I had the urge and the opportunity to re-organise my room. To tell the truth, I didn’t have the opportunity: I made it. I started at 9 pm and kept going until I had room on bed to sleep. Then I needed to get rid of things and to find new boxes for jewellery. That got me onto Pinterest and I am now making a jewellery storage space from an old corkboard that was sitting on the floor and still holding 2015’s shopping lists.

Now I am (once again) an avid Pinterest user. I have re-organised my boards and have aims to give my account a facelift. I hope that this urge will pay off: that it will help keep me active both physically and mentally, help me to learn and prepare for the day when I have to renovate my own, futuristic house, and to keep me far from boredom and well within the realm of creativity and… fun.

Good luck to all with your resolutions and aims, motivation and journeys!new-years-eve-fireworks-sydney-harbour-national-park


This is not the recount of a dream I had one night, but the revelation of a dream I have had many times, during the day.

I dream that one day my… friend… will ask me on a date. He needs a date for some unknown reason, and he needs her to dress formally. I am the one he needs.

I dress well, and could knock him down with a feather as a result. I already know what dress I would wear: my black one, with a zip down the front, a full skit to the knees, and tailored to perfection so that it shows off my waist and invents a bust.

We have a wonderful evening, in this dream of mine. An evening of flirting, to make it look real in front of other guests of this mysterious host; excellent food, of course; and a… happy ending.

I want any readers of this to understand that I don’t want any romantic proposition from this friend. I want a romantic evening, that’s all.

I guess that I also want to be needed,instead of cast into shadows. I thought that I was ready to give him up, but now I know that what I need is to change our relationship.

For a start, in this dream of mine, the flirting leads, somehow or other, to serious communication. That is what I need. I want him to need me; and I need communication and romance… just a bit.

Confessions of someone looking for love

So I just finished watching Confessions of a Shopaholic. It’s so sweet*, so nice*, so cute*, how at the end she realises that she doesn’t need clothes to define her and, in the very same scene, the cute British guy with the cute British accent comes along to show her how she is worth so much.

What I get out of this is: 1) she doesn’t need things, or a person to show or realise her own value.

2) when she understands this, she gets the guy

3) the guy is her reward. It’s like he is is the ‘thing’ that shows her she is worth something, and she gets that ‘thing’ because she realises she is worth something on her own.

Okay, that’s quite contradictory.

Just to be clear here, the ‘thing’ is not really the guy (even though a cute British guy with a cute British guy is one great reward), it’s the fact that she has love.


Her father says that he is not defined by the things that he buys, but by the love from and for his wife and daughter. Ergo, the main character, Rebecca, is defined by love. However, the love from her friends, her parents, etc. is not enough to give her a good or full definition.

The love that can give her a full definition (or, to make her a whole person) is the romantic love from cute British guy. I’m sorry but I’d like to dispute this. At a brighter hour, when I’m not so tired, or when I have the kindling spark of romance in my eyes again (I know it will be back one day), I’ll be able to see that. Meanwhile, I have had the idea of my own self-worth in my head and in my heart for years. It could be pride, stubbornness, or a genuine sense of self-worth, or my own humility that makes me feel as though I am my own person, or a mixture of all of them – but, no matter what it is, I know I can survive on my own. What is more, I can live on my own.

But to share a life would mean so much more to me.

*These words, this whole sentence really, or at least the clause, works on the premise that intones it it how Bernadette Peters sings”You’re so nice” in “Last Midnight” at about 1:35 (enjoy the song!)